Excuse extra-curricular content...

Although... gotta say... there were exactly 3 Swiss people on that yacht, plus, if every nation had sailing enthusiasts with money like Mr. Bertarelli, then the sailors who actually won this might have sailed under any flag. Any connection to CH (apart from money (and tech and material, which = money, so...)) is therefore rather silly, I feel.

Swiss win America's Cup, and other improbable things

If a landlocked country can triumph in the world's greatest yachting race, writes Paul MacInnes, then surely Britain can become successful. And that's not all ...

Monday March 3, 2003

It may take a lot to get 500 Genevan yachters to stay up all night, but triumph in the America's Cup, the world cup of yachting, led to many a late bedtime in the landlocked capital (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) last night.

With no water lapping at its borders Switzerland is the most unlikely place to boast the world's best sailors (although maybe the fact that their captain had already won the title twice with New Zealand helped a little). As the team's owner, Ernesto Bertarelli, put it last night: "The fact that Switzerland wins the America's Cup is a sign of hope for a lot of people. It really says to the world that the impossible doesn't exist."

Not a bad message to come out of a rich man's boat race, but if the impossible is really to come to an end, what would it mean for the world? The potential for change is enormous; here are just a few possibilities.

1) German pop rules the world
For decades German record barons had been bashing their extravagantly coiffed heads against the wall trying to find a formula for pop success around the world. However, after a brainstorming away day in the Black Forest with David Hasselhoff, a new German sound emerges - fusing oompah music with r'n'b. Jennifer Lopez agrees to sing in German for the remainder of her career and scores an international No 1 with "Ich bin noch Jenny vom Wohnblock".

2) Brazil becomes rich
With a landmass almost the same size as the USA, an abundance of natural resources and a population of 176 million it had always been puzzling as to why so many Brazilians lived in poverty. Thanks to taking the lead in renewable energy sources, and the World Bank writing off the country's debt after losing to President Lula in a game of beach volleyball, the samba state becomes the world's most powerful, ushering in an era of Pax Braziliana (Liberty, equality, and excruciating body waxing).

3) The French become warmongers
Stereotyped through the ages as appeasers, it all changes after George Bush calls Jacques Chirac a "cheese-eating surrender monkey" to his face. According to sources close to the French president, Chirac then invites Bush to step "outside", before gesticulating towards the leaders of Spain, Australia, Guinea and the Cameroon ( and offering to "take them all on". Chirac's plans to hit the US with a tactical nuclear strike are abandoned, however, after the foreign secretary, Dominique de Villepin, persuades the president the country is "not worth it".

4) Americans make smaller sandwiches
In a move that sends shockwaves through the markets (particularly those dealing in pork bellies), Americans wake up and decide that they're not really that hungry. By lunchtime, diners from Maine to Missouri are nibbling on carrot sticks claiming to be saving themselves for dinner. In an immediate response, the American sandwich industry immediately downsizes all bagels, subs and buns to meet consumer demand. Profits are preserved thanks to a one-off charge on napkins.

5) Britain becomes successful
Perhaps the most unexpected advance of all, the British reputation for acts of mediocrity is sloughed off in spectacular fashion. Tim Henman wins Wimbledon, Robbie Williams cracks America, people laugh while watching the Vicar of Dibley and black pudding becomes edible. A national holiday is declared, while the United Nations issues a statement praising the United Kingdom, and all Australians are forced to spend the day indoors.