I have had an amazingly interesting and nuanced week. Shall have quick recap, with formerly large things becoming small small occurences now... so girl I was interested in datin a bit, and she's interested in me, turns out she's a mom! Has a two year old, we all had a nice dinner (my Finnish friend and his girl, myself, Chiharo, and her daughter) and really don't know quite how that will play out, just know that fatherhood ain't for me at this point, and must be careful with the lady's feelings. We'll have a talk...
Then, my friend (who I constantly cuddle with but will never progress beyond that, well, never say never, but unlikely...) she's decided to quit the job. Perhaps not fully, depends how things play out, but she's definitely leavin a large chunk of it behind, and it'll be interesting to see how that plays out as well. However, the likelihood that I shall lose my best friend in the town is fairly high now.
And here comes the meat. My Finnish friend, when attending a bible study camp many years ago, was in the adjacent room to a friend who was "possessed" or whatever you wish to say. Thru the ways the demon's voice called out Antti's name, saying "I'll kill you!" and other such things, as reported by my friend. A short time later, he also became possessed, and had to undergo an exorcism.
Now, you can think whatever you like about this. Once again, I don't think terms are that important - they simply frame our responses. Call something possession, and you are likely to respond from the spiritual side. Call it psychological disorders, and you are likely to respond from the chemical side. Both methods - and many others - have their uses in different situations. I don't much care what you want to call it.
Anway, my friend has had some reversion recently, and last night it happened when I was available. I was asleep in my boxers in my neighbor's bed (I tell you it is an odd relationship) when Antti's girlfriend came in crying. She asked me to go downstairs - she said he was going crazy. He had told her to get me. After grabbing jeans I went.
One corner of the room was filled with vomit. Antti was naked on top of his futon, stripped of sheets. The futon was soaked in urine and sweat. He never really saw me come in - his breath was as an animal's, gutteral rasping hard death breath. His eyes were moving crazily and his arms were flailing this way and that - his hands in awful contortions, sometimes pulled far behind his back exactly as one would see if there were a person there twisting it. His face and mouth were wild, his tongue usually stuck out far far. He would jump from his position - sometimes propelling himself from his knees, on which he sat, sometimes it seemed as if he were lifted by his arms. Occasionally, Antti would break thru - he would look at me quickly and say "I'm sorry! I can't control it!" and then he'd be back under.
I tried many things. I failed many times. He is deeply Christian and I tried casting the demon out in terminology I know he would find agreeable. In Christ's name I cast the demon away from this world, using many incantations. None worked. I tried calling Antti out, trying to fill him with strength - a few times he did come out, and he would say "I can think, I can see, but I can't control my arms" and indeed they would be flailing all over the place. I tried to keep eye contact with him and it worked, but eventually the renegade arms got in the way of the view and he descended again. I lay my hands on his head and got hit - expecting it I stepped back quickly and was only nicked, but Antti is a strong man and in this state I somewhat feared he would take me if it came to it.
Still, I kept strong in myself. I talked to the demon and stared it down - many times it wanted to attack me, looked for a sign of weakness or fear, but I knew it was only the fear itself that could allow something to happen, so I stayed centered and strong. I never feared. Even as I thought "If it ever gets good control it could smash that glass and cut my throat" and I realized there was palpible danger in the air, somehow that was ok.
However I was feeling demoralized. Safe myself - strong in myself - I was not helping Antti, not enough. His girlfriend came back in the room and he descended down again, to his original hard flailing state from the exhausted one at spiritual war with me. I sat and meditated on white light coming from buddha to my third eye and sending it on to Antti. My meditation was not concentrated enough - I should have practiced more, I should have been ready for this by now, but I wasn't and I simply accepted that. I felt what could have been some entity attacking me at my left elbow - a strange pain that wasn't like the usual aches one gets for no real reason. There was a similar echo in my right knee. Who knows if it came from within or without, but I managed to meditate it away, sending my strength to the affected areas.
In a lucid moment Antti asked us to call Tim - a devout Christian, quite hardcore. Tim had no insight, save that possessed people are supernaturally strong so beware - previously I had slapped Antti just as he was descending in an attempt to wake him as I was shouting "Open your eyes!" trying to get the contact back. The eyes opened, but it was the demon which said in an otherwordly voice "Don't make me angry!" and raised itself up, all veins in the head and neck popping, everything turning red from crown to collarbone. I raised myself up with it and kept hard eye contact, let it know that I had no fear, but at that time I knew it was damn close to attacking. I raised myself higher than it to reassure myself, give myself a better position from which to spring should I need to, and also because the demon really had no control over the lower limbs so it could not match me. From my towering glaring point it did retreat from the attack on me, but again went to work on Antti. So Tim's words were something I knew, but did make me shudder a bit thinking back to that.
He also said to just keep praying, as hard as you can. I rededicated myself to it. I meditated and recited mantras I made on the spot, breathing in impure and filling with pure, breathing in love and filling the room with love, filling the room with compassion, filling the room with wisdom, filling the room with strength etc. I called on enlightened ones to use me as a humble conduit and deliver the balm that Antti needed. After a time of this - I have no idea how long, 15 minutes, half-hour, maybe an hour - Antti had calmed sufficiently that he was asking for water - not free yet, but getting closer. His girlfriend gave it to him, and as he started to descend his hands starting to move she took one - I was scared that would cause the beast anger, but it was too weak. I saw the opening, and with tears in my eyes and cheeks from the concentration I was calling upon, my own weakness in the face of this and gratitude at the power I had found - I raised myself up and started the final incantation in the name of Christ, knowing that Antti was listening now. I assumed a pose that I felt bring me power and at one moment I noticed I was standing in the form of a cross. I kept repeating "In the name of Jesus, I command you to leave!" in various forms, refining it, eliminating the "I" so as to more fully use the power of all, eventually eliminating the "we" so as to fully become the power, eventually I knelt down and again placed my hand on the top of Antti's drooping head and with each breath I surged all my energy as best I could thru my arm, my hairs standing on end from the jolts. Whispering rapidly now I felt everything ending, and Antti fell to the floor, to sleep.
Today he is fine. I don't claim to know what happened. I don't know if I had something to do with his recovery, or if the simple exhaustion of freaking out until 6:30 am had put him out. Every time it's happened recently it's been preceded by intense drinking - from a pure drunken stupor the thing emerges. Beast, demon, hidden guilt or anger, I don't know. I do know that I was exhausted but felt purified as well. I put a lot into that, and it's gonna help me rebuild my meditation regimen I can tell. I'm quite sure that were I better prepared - no matter what the cause of Antti's episode - I could have ended it nearly instantaneously. Whether soothing an evil thing or smoothing a troubled soul, if I had more focused peace tranquility and love, it never could have gone on as long as it did (it was about 1 1/2 hours from my arrival to the end). Regardless, I feel like I've seen glimpses of other worlds this weekend - and now I head to Roppongi (in Tokyo) for an all-night escapade with friends, one of whom is leaving soon. I feel strange things are in the air, and it excites me.